Pay off

i'm at the starbucks right now, waiting my turns on the line to buy a cup of cappucino for my damn drowsiness. it's nine at night, and i'm already sleepy. i've lost my passion to do exciting things since ages. i lived in my apartement, alone. o yeah, my name is claire. i was born in california, and then moved to london. one thing that always associated with london, crowded. i have no room for my privacy and i hate that. i'm kind of shy archaic man, but girls people think i'm cool. my parents both are american, but they spend the rest of their life at london, which is fulled with freaky people who talked with that english accent. they're just talk too much. i've ever had a weird dream about england too, and that's why i sounds like hate them. now, i decide to come back to america. not california again, i choose manhattan to start a new life. i drop out from high school because i can't stand in england anymore. i work for myself and someday, if i've got enough money, i hope it's gonna be enough for the college. when i was younger, my mom ever teach me to make pancake. so, surprisingly i accepted to work at Mama Dan's Pancake. sounds like stupid working at a pancake house, but i don't care. it's kinda fun to work with old obesity guy which is the manager. dude, i grow up in england and they're so much worse than america. the accent, the people, the culture, argghh. but somehow i feel like a british here. i hate that. in this pancake house, i'm the only one who know what kind of food is 'Toad-in-the-Hole'. another worker here, Nathan, said "dude, i've ever had an england friend who called women's boobs as nunga-nunga. BAHAHAH" ew. okay forget about the nunga and back into my life. as the day passed away, i learned about america. finally i remember my brief childhood that i spent in california. big house, surrounded with shrubs at the huge. my dad's family were all politicus. but after the crisis in that year, they became insolvent. their large project has been destroyed due to the mass's uprising. my dad came from washington, and then moved to california to start a new life, using the rest of his fortune. that's why i was born in california. my dad used to be like obama if he still alive, but that crisis changed it. maybe not obama, G. Bush is cool. yes i do hate when i talked about my life. now, i work as hard as i can. i just want to get money and go to the college. my parents both are dead and i consider that i could go into college. yes, sounds like a fool. but if someday i late to pay the tuition and get expelled from school, at least i could proved to my parents that i've ever been lecture. back to the starbucks, i'm still waiting my turn to buy a cappucino. come on, a cappucino. i'm totally bored, standing here and keep waiting. there's no good view at starbucks, until a brown-straight-hair-girl comes up. she wear a brown coat with beige shirt underneath. the lamp above the ceiling are still shining, so when she pulled the door and steps down, she look like the most beautiful angel i've ever seen. that was really a breathtaking moment. she look older than me but she still look like an angel. me, which is involuntarily not blinking didn't realised a guy behind me yelling "hey kid, step forward a bit!" i was conscious and immediately stepped forward. i know that she know i'm staring at her. i don't know how i look like when i'm stunned, but i feel stupid. finally after get my cappucino, i walked back to apartement. then suddenly somebody yell "CLAIRE! WAIT, CLAIIRREE!" sounds like a she. maybe she has been yelling my name for times, but i didn't hear. i turn around. woah, that's the girl at starbucks. how'd she know my name? she stop her steps and with a panting breath she said "uh..you forget your badge.. maybe it fell off when.. you pour a little rum from the bottle next to you" oh yeah, that's my badge. a pancake's chef bought a coffee from starbucks. cool. really cool dumbass. "uhm..yeah.. that's my badge. i'm sorry for make you running this far. thanks anyway" i said. she nodded and said "very welcome" she smile. suddenly i realised something. brown straight hair, brown eyes, sincere smile, uhm.. she is a journalist from new york times, Jennifer Morgan. and now, she run this far just to give my badge back. YEAH, SUCH A GOOD OMEN. "your face look familiar. i think we've ever met somewhere.." i lie. i'm sure she will say yes. "yeah.. maybe you've ever met a lot journalist like me" she said shyly. nah, i'm right. she is a pretty famous journalist. i think all her articles are brilliant and she seems insightful. "journalist? cool. i always want to be a journalist. seems the most exciting job ever" i said amazed. maybe i'm overact. she giggled. "you know, it's not that easy to be a journalist. you have to write and.. just write" gah i sounds like a fool. trying to find a common but unwittingly i pretended to like something she hates. "uhm well..i'll consider about being a journalist again" i laughed. "it's getting late. i gotta go" she said "yeah, have a nice night" i replied "thanks, you too" she walked away, but then turn around. "maybe i'll go to Mama Dan's sometimes!" she said, then smile. i can't lie, she is beautiful. and yes, she's not lying too. in the next day, she come to the Mama Dan's. i told Nathan, i'll take care of this customer. she ordered two layers of pancake and then we talked about our hobbies, favorite books, just a politeness. the day passed away, the month, until the year. i'm dating with Jennifer. she's five years older than me but somehow i feel comfortable with our difference. today is her birthday. i'm kinda confuse, i don't know what i gotta give to her. trojan? uhm.. it's not a gift. ring? yes, of course ring. but how could i bought her a ring? diamond necklace? sparkling bracelet? i don't have enough money for those things. we're going to meet in two hours but i haven't bought her any gift, YET. i'm walking on the Resedy Street right now. i was attracted by a black short skirt and a leather belt. i know it's gonna look perfectly match with a tank top and a leather jacket. it's pretty cheap too. what a good store. but then i realised that's really not Jenni's style. so, with tears i leave that store (bahah i love my funny self) i stopped my steps in another store. actually a big store. i saw a black scarf hanging in a mannequin's neck. this time, i'm sure this scarf will look match with every coach and dress she wear. so i bought it. yay, i got a perfect gift. well, i'm the proved that not all boys are outdated. awesome me! after two hours, we finally meet. i said her happy birthday, and wish she's gonna be a better woman. actually she has been the best for me. she said "thanks" and kiss my forehead with a bit tiptoe. well i'm a tall dude. haha, show off again :D one day, few weeks after her birthday, she told me that she want to talk to me, about a good news she's got. at the same time, i'm going to talk about a good news either. well, this is my good news. one week ago, a costumer comes and bought a plate of pancake. since then, he bought our pancakes more often. we didn't realise until he told us (the whole worker) he is Harris Cook. he's a chef at Planet Hollywood's Resort and Cafe at LV. he said my pancake tasted perfect. he want me to consider about working with him at LV. he'll hone my abbilities at cooking if i want to work with him. isn't that such a good news? I'M SO EXITED! AND I'M ABSOLUTELY TAKE THAT JOB! i know it means i have to leave Manhattan, but i'm sure Jennifer will understand that. this is my dream. if i've got enough money, i'll go to the college near my office and then, after finished the school, somehow i'll be a politicus like my dad. we decided to meet at starbucks. "hey Claire" she said. "hey. wanna buy some coffee first?" i asked. she nodded and smile. as i come back with two cups of coffees, she asked "so, you said you have a good news. what's that?" "no it's ok, you first. i think you've got a better one than me" i said, humble myself. "uhm.. ok. few years ago, i've ever realesed a book. Wake Me Up. kind of horror story. when my book first released, there's not many people interested and bought my book. but couple weeks ago, a director called me and he wants to ask permission to make a movie from my book. after he met me directly, he said he want me to help him to done this movie and if so, in the next three years the movie will be realesed. is that awesome?!" she asked with with a glowing eyes. wait, is that mean she'll travel and being with that director everytime? actor and actrees's audition, setting place, and stuff? is that mean we have to broke up? "Claire, is that awesome?" she asked me again. i'm numb. "uh..yeah.. that's really awesome" i said stammer. "so what's your good news?" she asked my again, wishing my news won't be better than her. "actually.. uhm.. it's not a good news anymore" i replied. i don't wanna lose her. she'll make her own movie soon. i'll work at LV too. we won't be at Manhattan anymore. what should i say? we will have a huge distance between us. there's a possibility, if i worked on LV i might never see her again. "uh come on, i'm sure it's a good news too. just tell me" she said. i sighed. then i said "a chef asked me to work with him at Planet Hollywood, LV" she look shocked, and then she drew a long breath. "you take the job?" she asked. i nodded. "well.. what we gonna do next?" she asked resignedly. "i don't know.. maybe we should do the best thing for both of us, even though.." i replied. but then i stopped. i look at her. her eyes were glazed. she's going to cry, but then she say "yes.. before we start to lying and hurt each other" "i think we know what is the best thing for both of us, right? you know we both can't do a long distance relationship" i said. this is just hurt. i watched my love walk out from my dammit life, but i didn't do anything. i even let her crying and not holding her hand. what imma doing? her tears start falling down. she's not saying anything, she keep crying and i just watching her with my own guilty. "since the first time i met you, i know this is not gonna work.." she said, sob. "we're not meant for being toget.." "don't say that." i interrupted. "i can't see you cry. i can't see those tears. just.. stop it" i said, sounds bluster. i don't know why i said that. "i'm not a romantic guy. i even just.. a boy. the first time we start this relationship, i'm sure it's gonna work. i'm super confindent that i'll be together with Jennifer Morgan. but then.. i realised i was wrong. i saw how you talk to me, seeing me, you're just very mature. someday, at your old ages, i'm sure you will say 'i have ever dating with a young man which is more worthy being my best friend' You're just to good for me.." i said. she smile. a bit forced, but i know she's ingenuous. "thanks claire. you've been a nice guy this far" she said and giggled. her eyes still glazed but she look better now. "your welcome. i hope your movie will be surprisingly succed" i replied. we both standing and i'm trying to say a goodbye now. "thanks again. i hope you'll be a famous cook too. uhm.. i'll miss you" she said. with a big smile i said "i will miss you too, Jenni. promise we'll be a good friend!" "of course we will. bye, Claire" she said and then walked away. "goodbye, Jenni" i said, and then come back to my apartement. three years have been passed. i used to be a chef at PH. and then, after get a pretty much money, i enrolled to the University Of Pheonix and i'm accpeted. i also get the scholarship. I FEEL SO LUCKY RIGHT NOW. YAAY! couple months ago, i quit from PH, but then i accepted to work as a assistant manager at a famous magazine's company. Harris, a nice chef at PH, is the guy who recommend me to this company. and somehow, i accepted. i'm not good at communicate with people, so now.. i just keep continued my life and hope tomorrow would be a better day. one day, when i go starbucks and buy a cappucino, i remember all my words to Jenni. i sounds like a child. too honest and shelfish. i seems never grown up. now, have a realtionship with Jenni seems a bad idea. she's too good for me. for once i've seen myself on the bad side, dunno because of my bad habits, or attitudes. i think both of it. i've been trough a bad thing, also a good thing. Jenni is the good one. i realised it's all just gonna be a memories. i could feel sorry for myself, but now i know, it will never pay off.